emily cline art

gettin' my ya-ya's out

Wholehearted living, part time

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I’m working my part-time job today, modeling. I have modeled for 22 years with a small break right before I got pregnant, when my {supportive} husband said I could quit and follow my dreams 100% and act full-time. It didnt pan out the way we hoped. I got pregnant immediately and became the primary parent and caregiver who couldn’t let sitters and nannies raise our boy. Which meant I could no longer spend 6 weeks in Minnesota shooting an indie film; I couldn’t be gone every night doing theatre.

Flash forward a five years, I’m back modeling again, living in NY, and im here on set, reading between shots about living authentically, wholeheartedly. Brene Brown’s “Gifts of Imperfection” is talking about being “critically aware” of what we take in visually — I.e. in magazines, on tv, in film, etc. And she’s asking questions like “do these images convey real life or fantasy?” and “Who benefits from people seeing these images and feeling bad about themselves?” (she says money and control are surely involved.)

These are tough questions for me to consider as I model, as I work to create feelings of want, need, and insecurity in others, like “I need to wear this outfit/suit/jacket to be and look successful!” and “I need to be a size 6 to be happy! with perfect hair! and teeth! and skin!”

What am I doing here? What are we doing? Helping people perpetuate feeling inadequate? Because they are not perfect? Because they are not lit perfectly, with their perfectly coiffed hair, made up faces, form-
fitting clothes, and gorgeous home? (Which of course is all fake and inauthentic.)

I know Right now, I am making a living, helping pay my way into my art, my passion, my DoodlebugheArt-ness. But somewhere the authenticity and wholehearted of my self is going to disconnect and set me free. I hope.

http://www.emilyclineart.com
http://www.doodlebugheart.com
http://doodlebugheart.blogspot.com

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